


Profession

by whenyoudesertme (phrenk)



Series: Meme fills [14]
Category: Arashi (Band), Japanese Actor RPF, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Marriage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 12:43:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1858500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phrenk/pseuds/whenyoudesertme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For kinoface, who asked for: "Matsumiya + pretending to be married!" <a href="http://whenyoudesertme.livejournal.com/37186.html">here</a>.</p><p>This was supposed to be a five things fic, but it went wrong somehow.  It's abrupt and ridiculous and melodramatic.  But also it's a meme fill, so anything goes, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Profession

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kinoface](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinoface/gifts).



> Thanks to kinoface for looking this over for me even though it also FOR her. <3<3

** (Two minutes after their first time seeing each other naked.)

Hot water pounded down on Jun's back as he stared into Nino's eyes.

He was very careful to keep his eyes there, given that the hurried debriefing in the plane definitely hadn't included time to get used to each other naked.

The mission had been last minute, the preparation barely adequate, and the warnings dire. If they fucked this up, the higher-ups weren't sure extraction was possible.

"I'm gay," Nino said. He reached for the shampoo. "I should've told you years ago. Want me to wash your hair?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Jun said, suddenly focused entirely on Nino instead of trying to force his panic into more useful patterns of planning. He realized he was looking at Nino's collarbones and jerked his gaze back up.

Nino mercifully didn't pretend to think Jun was asking about the shampoo. "You think it doesn't, when we're pretending to be married? I'm saying: I'm gay. Do you want me to take the lead on the skinship?"

"No," Jun said automatically. "Being more in control would be better for me. Besides..."

Nino waited, eyes twinkling with what Jun suspected was a barely repressed dirty joke about Jun's need to be in control.

Jun didn't know what to say. He'd definitely been attracted to people other than women before, but he'd never acted on those feelings, though he'd come close a couple times with men and one person who'd identified as x-gender. How did he describe a life where he'd known he wasn't completely straight since he was 12, but had never so much as kissed a man? Not to mention to a long-term colleague who was someone Jun once had those feelings for.

"I'm turning into a prune here, J."

Jun favored him with a steady glare and said with finality, "I've been attracted to men, too. More to the point, why are we talking about this in the shower?"

"Ah yes, thanks for following my lead," Nino said easily, squirting some shampoo into one palm. "Turn around."

Jun didn't want to, but he figured he had to get used to Nino touching him, so he complied. Nino began working the shampoo into Jun's hair.

He was surprisingly gentle. His voice, however, was low and hard.

"I know they said this place is only wired for video, but how do we really know? For right now, the shower is the safest place if we have to talk."

"So what, we're going to get naked every time we have to discuss anything?" Jun asked, irritated. He closed his eyes, expecting soapy bubbles that could sting them, but Nino swiped a hand carefully over his forehead before any could try.

"No, we'll set some aural bait and see if anyone follows up. If not, we'll know our information is good. Step back, would you?"

Jun turned around to rinse on his own, but Nino followed him, crowding into him so he could reach up and scritch his fingers through Jun's hair under the warm water.

Before Jun could ask, Nino said calmly, "Either way, there are cameras, and we have no reason to think there aren't any in here."

"Just how much skinship do we have to fake," Jun muttered, uncomfortably aware of goosebumps rising on his skin as Nino touched him.

He'd just been complaining, but Nino answered seriously. "I'd say lots of kissing, some casual touching of hands and arms over shoulders and such, maybe napping in each other's laps... the real question is how to fake our sex life."

He moved away, so Jun opened his eyes and stepped out of the direct spray. Nino was grabbing the shampoo again, presumably for himself, but Jun took it away.

"I'll do it," he said, voice coming out strange and gruff. He wasn't about to let Nino assume all the responsibility for their cover.

Nino smiled at him and leaned in, up... Jun tensed for their first kiss, but instead Nino just nuzzled against Jun's chin. Stepping back, he kept his face sweet as he said, "I figure we'll pretend to fuck once a week or so, go to bed without incident three or four times, and then have some huge, blowout fights the other days. Do you want to be the one who sleeps on the couch or shall I?"

"Depends on the couch," Jun said. "You barely let me get a look at the place before you hustled us in here."

He massaged the shampoo over Nino's scalp, trying not to see the blissful expression on Nino's face. Nino was a really good actor, Jun knew from their past partnership. It was going to be hard not to forget how good Nino was, hard not to take it as something else.

"We can be too tired for it tonight," Nino said, thinking. "And tomorrow, too, since it's my first day at the clinic. But the night after that, let's have a quickie, hm?"

"I assume by faking it you mean getting under the covers and, and--" Jun was really glad Nino had his eyes closed as Jun rinsed the shampoo from his hair. He was sure his face was a splotchy, embarrassed red.

"We'll figure it out," Nino said, grinning with his eyes squeezed shut. "It might even be fun."

Naked and wet with the friend he'd been infatuated with for three years in his twenties, trying to look married for the camera but unaffected for said friend's eyes, Jun was in the kind of mood where he very much doubted anything in the coming weeks would be fun.

** (Ten minutes after their first time showering together.)

"Do you think that cute guy will be in my group at the clinic?" Nino asked, tone innocent, as they settled onto the couch together. It wasn't horribly uncomfortable, but Jun made plans to claim the bed on nights they spent apart.

"Hm?" he asked, trying to think of what person Nino could mean. Then the situation caught up with him and he turned to glare at Nino. "What _cute guy_?"

Nino shrugged under Jun's arm. "You know, the tall one who almost looked Japanese. Maybe we'll get to hang out!"

"We just got here and you're already planning to get to know other men?" Jun said dangerously, keeping the amusement he felt off his face. That tall man was the one person they knew for sure was working at the base for the enemy agency. If their apartment was bugged for audio on top of video, the man would be sure to approach Nino to try to weasel his way into their lives soon.

"Now, Jun-kun, don't be jealous," Nino singsonged, walking his fingers from Jun's forearm to his shoulder. Then he curled his hand into the front of Jun's shirt and _tugged_.

Jun, face still a cool mask of displeasure from Nino's bait, went willingly, though his mind was screaming warnings.

They had to get the first kiss over with sooner or later, he told himself, coming closer and closer to Nino's face. It wasn't such a big deal. Two mouths touching for professional reasons, that was all.

Nino tilted his head invitingly. Jun leaned in and kissed him.

It started light, almost teasing, and Jun meant to keep it that way. Part of him, the part that never, ever stopped calculating during a mission, thought that this sort of kiss was perfect to show as an almost-apology from Nino, almost-forgiveness from Jun.

But then Nino sighed into Jun's mouth, his fingers clutching at Jun's shirt, and Jun pressed closer without thinking. He found himself deepening the kiss, pushing Nino down against the arm of the couch, twisting their bodies so he could get on top, lie heavy on Nino, explore his mouth as long as he wanted--

"Jun," Nino muttered, barely getting the word out around Jun's tongue in his mouth. It took all Jun's professionalism not to jerk away from Nino like he'd been burned.

"You're right," he said instead, sitting back up and trying to regulate his breathing. "It's late and it's been a long day. Sorry I got carried away."

Nino just nodded, eyes inscrutable. He stood up, wiping his mouth discreetly.

Then his blank expression changed to something sneaky and amused. He whispered nearly soundlessly with his mouth covered, "What side of the bed do you want? I should probably know that already..."

"You're right," Jun repeated, trying not to laugh. " _You're_ always _right_ , aren't you?" He did his best to make it sound like an accusation.

Nino snorted, then had to hide his face in the crook of his elbow.

Jun had seen him do that a hundred times at least, back when they'd been partners, back before he'd stamped out all the inappropriate feelings he'd had for him. Now he was horrified to realize that it made him want to drag Nino back down to the couch and kiss him again.

Instead he said, trying to be cool, "I'll read out here a while before bed, so you can turn out the light."

Nino's eyes went sharp on Jun's face for a moment, but he didn't argue. He did hesitate as he walked past Jun to the bedroom, almost as if he were considering leaning down for a kiss goodnight for the cameras, but in the end he just kept walking.

** (Two nights after their first time kissing.)

"Couldn't we be drunk for this?" Jun asked, eyeing their bed with extreme disfavor. Sleeping in the same bed as Nino had been fine, unexpectedly, because Nino curled up on his half and never moved, and Jun had gotten better at touching and kissing Nino casually without losing himself in it and wanting more.

Maybe he'd just gotten better at holding it in, not letting it show, but that was all he could ask of himself right now.

But this--

"Number one, drinking on a mission, really, J? And one where I'm supposedly taking pharmaceuticals that can't mix with alcohol, too. Number two, just be glad we don't have to make our sounds convincing, seriously."

Despite himself, Jun grinned at Nino. He said theatrically, barely able to keep from laughing, "Ohhhhh, Kazu, touch me~"

Nino's eyes went wide, but then he laughed and moaned back, "Jun-kun, oh, oh, fill me up with your big cock..."

Jun choked, regretting his moment of playfulness in a wave of arousal. Nino's tone had been utterly ridiculous, not exciting at all, but still: it certainly conjured up an image.

Thankfully, Nino was turned away from Jun and didn't see his face. He turned down the covers, then pulled off his shirt.

"Are you a top when you're with guys?" he asked, turning back to Jun. There was nothing but mild curiosity in his voice.

Jun thought desperately of manure, his parents, rotting whale carcasses, then answered tightly, "For pretend sex with you? Definitely a top."

Nino nodded, unbuckling his belt. "Hard to imagine you taking it, though I bet you'd be awesome."

"What?" Jun spluttered, but then Nino tugged off his pants and underwear in one go.

"Going to pretend-fuck me with all your clothes still on?" Nino said, pulling off his socks. "Kinky, J. Let me just get in bed..."

"Why did you take your underwear off," Jun protested, face hot. "What's the point of the covers if we have to--"

Nino strode away from the bed and up into Jun's face. "The covers are so you don't actually have to put your dick in my ass or anywhere else, okay? Now the faster we do this, the sooner it'll be over." With that, he grabbed Jun by the back of the head and brought their mouths together.

Jun had gotten pretty good at pretending not to be affected by Nino's kisses while still seeming affected for the cameras.

He hadn't yet tried it while Nino was naked, all smooth skin and slender muscle and heat pressed against him.

Jun forgot himself. He wrapped his arms around Nino and pulled him in hard, taking over the kiss with a bite then a slide right into Nino's mouth.

Nino gave as good as he got, fisting his hands in Jun's hair and sucking on his tongue.

A tiny part of Jun thought something had gone horribly wrong in this supposed sham. He ignored it and picked Nino up and tumbled them both down onto the bed.

Nino made a noise when Jun landed on him, a noise that wasn't very quiet, and Jun pulled back a second, about to apologize, but then his mind registered that the noise hadn't sounded hurt at all. It had sounded _excited._

There was no reason for Nino to be making those sorts of noises, Jun thought angrily, the context of their kiss back in his mind like the power coming on with a jolt.

"Just fake it for the cameras, not for me," he snarled, and he pulled the covers over them both to hide Nino's nakedness from prying eyes--including his own.

"What," Nino said breathlessly, mouth looking bruised, but then his gaze locked on Jun's and his face hardened. "The cameras. Right. Get the lube, then, will you? Do you want to fake-use a condom?"

Jun stared at him, still furious, then had to shove his face down against Nino's neck to hide his surprised laugh. He choked out, "Are you fake-cheating on me, Kazu? I'm being fake-faithful, but tell me if we need to use a condom."

"Shut up," Nino hissed, propping himself up a bit to whap at Jun's head. "You'll make me laugh. This is supposed to be a quickie, remember? 'Cause we're mad at each other."

"It won't work," Jun decided, sitting up. "If I can't laugh, I can't do this. We must be making up right now."

"Fine," Nino sighed. He flopped back on the mattress, clearly trying to look fuckable. "Then kiss me again."

Jun looked away from temptation, then remembered he could get away from Nino for a bit to retrieve the lube Nino had brought home with a grin and a flirtatious wink the day before. Jun didn't even want to know where Nino had gotten the magic little bottle in the middle of a spartan military base filled with humorless guards, a place where they had three places they were allowed to go including their apartment.

"Um, I think we showed enough kissing," Jun said when he no longer had an excuse not to look at Nino.

"We made up, we're going to have sex all happy-like, but we aren't going to kiss? What kind of shitty marriage is this."

"A fake one," Jun said coldly, though he kept his face pleasant and into their pseudo-lovemaking. He handed the bottle to Nino, who rolled his eyes and started to make motions under the covers like he was doing something with it. Jun skinned out of his clothes, leaving his underwear on. He was half-hard, he could feel it, and in his desperation he grabbed one of the pillows to bring under the blanket with them.

"For under my hips?" Nino asked poisonously. "So sweet of you, husband."

Jun ignored him and laid the pillow over Nino's crotch, though he held the covers up enough not to make that obvious to anyone watching.

He wondered if anyone was watching at all. Maybe they were doing this for nothing, damaging their easy friendship, their fledgling re-partnership, for nothing.

Then he levered himself over Nino and held himself up for a moment, lowering slowly when Nino nodded. He dropped to his elbows, kissing Nino's shoulder absently, and started thrusting against the pillow, trying to make it look real without actually rubbing himself off.

Several minutes later he lifted his head, having successfully detached from the reality of touching Nino's body enough that he wasn't worried about getting hard, and looked down to see Nino making some truly ugly sex faces.

Jun laughed, startling Nino into a small, open smile. Then Nino whispered, "You know that's _your_ pillow, right?"

"You're the worst," Jun whispered back, then leaned down to leave a hickey on Nino's neck as he pretended to come.

** (Two weeks after their first time faking sex.)

On his way home from lunch at the cafeteria with the other families of test patients, Jun mentally rehearsed the night to come. It made him feel better to plan ahead when it came to his skinship with Nino, more like it was something he was doing for the mission (which it _was_ ) and less like something he just wanted to do because he was falling for Nino.

Falling for Nino _again_.

But he wasn't, he wasn't, and tonight he would do the bare minimum as always: a kiss when Nino got home, yes. A little cuddling on the couch while they watched one of the few movies on the old television with VCR the base had provided, that was safe.

Then on the way to dinner, they'd hold hands as always, even though Jun hated it. It felt too good to hold hands with Nino as they talked and laughed about nothing, fingers laced together and Nino swinging their arms lightly like he was happy to be there with Jun.

Jun would get through it again without breaking, then once more on the way home, where they'd--

One of the doctors was coming up the path.

Jun put his game face on. Given that he was supposed to be here, thousands and thousands of miles away from both his real home in Tokyo and his supposed home in New York City, because his husband was deathly sick and getting worse, for experimental treatments that his agency thought were more experiments than treatment, he made his game face desperately worried.

The doctor (Jun thought his name was Raihman) jumped when he saw Jun, making Jun's faux worry slightly more real.

"Doctor?" he called, catching up with the man. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sure it's nothing," Raihman said weakly. "It's too soon to have another mishap, surely--not that it was a mishap, of course, considering how very ill Mr. Gonzales was. Very sad."

"Mr. Gonzales" had been one of the other patients, the people who sat in the creepy abandoned school alongside Nino, undergoing incomprehensible tests and taking an enormous amount of pills every day.

Nino's were always placebos. Mr. Gonzales--Christopher--had been taking the real thing, at least until he'd been taken away on a stretcher with a sheet over his cold body.

But there was no reason for Jun to worry, except for the million reasons that had nothing to do with the pills Nino wasn't taking.

"Where's Kazu?" Jun demanded.

"In class, of course, I'm sure," Dr. Raihman soothed. "He must have just been in the bathroom when I passed. Ah, how long has he been here again?"

"Nearly three weeks," Jun said tightly, fighting the urge to grab the doctor and shake information out of him.

"That's longer than I thought... longer than most people las--decide to stay." Raihman looked deeply uncomfortable. He forced a smile. "Again, I'm sure he was just in the bathroom, Mr. Tanaka. I really must be going."

Jun watched him hurry away. Panic coiled in his gut as he tried to think.

They'd been here too long. People must be suspicious that Nino wasn't getting sicker, wasn't _dying._

And now a doctor said Nino wasn't with his group.

Jun ran after him, but the guards who'd let him walk between the ramshackle apartment building and the cafeteria stopped him long before he got to the gate to the converted clinic. He fought for a second, mindless in his fear for Nino, before he got hold of himself and apologized. The guards seemed used to it, which made Jun even more afraid.

Just how many families had come here with hope for their loved ones and left only with corpses?

He had a phone at home, one the watchers knew nothing about. He'd go home, call their contact, and get some answers if he had to threaten them out of her.

Bursting into their apartment, Jun didn't even stop to take off his shoes before heading right to the coffee table with his slippers underneath, the slippers that concealed the two parts of his illicit phone inside the soles.

He was taking his shoes off and trying to come up with a reason to wear the slippers into the hall closet where they'd determined there were no cameras, when a voice spoke behind him.

"Jun-kun?"

Jun spun, heart beating frantically, and saw Nino in their tiny kitchen, wearing an apron and yellow dishwashing gloves.

Unable to speak, unable to _think_ , Jun strode across the room and yanked Nino into a crushing embrace.

He held him so tightly that his arms started to ache, but still he couldn't breathe. Nino was there. Nino was safe.

"J..." Nino said quietly, confused but comforting.

"I thought they'd taken you. I thought they'd--I thought... I thought you were--"

"Shh, I'm here," Nino soothed. He stroked Jun's hair, his shoulders, down his spine. "The cameras might be a little confused, though."

They'd taken to calling whoever might be watching "the cameras", which only made it a little easier to bear.

"Fuck them," Jun said, relaxing his grip on Nino only enough that Nino could breathe easily.

"You must have missed me a lot." Nino wriggled away a little, then turned his face up to Jun. "Better make it convincing?"

Jun obliged Nino with a blistering kiss, heart still pounding so hard he was sure it echoed right into Nino's chest.

When he remembered himself that time, remembered to stop, he didn't know how long it'd been. It was terrifying how every time he kissed Nino, it took him a little longer to return to reality, to remember that none of it was real.

The only reassuring thing was that none of it being real meant his feelings could be included. When they got home, Jun would get rid of them again, just like last time. If there was anything he was good at, it was controlling himself.

"Jun-kun?"

Nino's voice sounded strange, tentative.

Jun pushed him away and glared at him. "What are you doing home? Why aren't you at the clinic?"

"I was coughing--but it's nothing. I think I'm getting a cold." Nino looked embarrassed.

Or maybe that expression was more like _evasive_.

"Nino, what aren't you telling me?" Jun asked sternly, trying not to panic again. Nino was here, and healthy, and safe. As safe as either of them could be on a military base where civilians kept dying.

"Really, J--"

"We're partners," Jun interrupted. "Spit it out."

Nino laughed a little, looking nauseated. "That's just what I did, actually. The coughing brought up blood, just once."

Without thinking, Jun grabbed Nino's shoulders hard, then went gentle and slid his hands up to cup Nino's cheeks instead. "Are there any other symptoms?"

"No appetite, I can't sleep, that sort of thing. All the..." Nino trailed off, then finished quietly. "All the things I've been faking since we got here."

He wouldn't meet Jun's eyes.

"But they're placebos," Jun said, refusing to believe it. "We turned Dr. Lerning; she's working for us now."

"I'm not sure we did such a good job of that," Nino said, giving up any pretense of thinking it wasn't serious.

Jun was very, very still. Then he leaned in, hands still holding Nino's face, and kissed him. When he pulled back, he'd made up his mind.

"Then we're leaving. We're getting out now."

** (One hour after their first time holding each other.)

On an undercover mission, getting out without blowing everything up behind them took time.

Jun spent nearly an hour in the closet, hashing things out with various levels of command in between taking winter clothes from Nino to put onto the top shelf as a cover for the cameras.

Finally he emerged with a put-upon look on his face. "And now I am complaining because storing those clothes took so long."

"Really," Nino said, looking unimpressed. He put the last of the dishes away and came to stand in front of Jun confrontationally. "Are we going to fight?"

"We're leaving tomorrow," Jun said abruptly. "It's all settled."

"I can just stop taking the pills. You know I'm good at sleight-of-hand."

"We can't risk it. You're already sick, Nino; we have to get you to some doctors who care if you live or die."

"Why, husband," Nino said, coming closer to Jun. "One might think you cared."

"Of course I care," Jun snapped. It was hard to think with Nino brushing up against him like that. "You're my partner."

Nino paused in the act of winding his arms around Jun's neck. Then he continued, saying hesitantly, "And?"

Jun wanted to break away, wanted to pull Nino closer. "And my friend. One of the healthiest relationships I have, if I think about it, so you can't just go dying on me."

Nino went up on his tiptoes and brushed a kiss on the corner of Jun's mouth. "All this faking," he said. "None of it's real?"

"Real?" Jun echoed blankly. His heart stuttered strangely.

Nino kissed the other side of Jun's mouth, but when Jun stared at him afterward, the corners of his mouth were turned down. "Not even a little..."

He sounded upset. He sounded _heartbroken._

Jun discovered that what he was feeling was hope. He had never once considered that Nino might return his feelings. Now he wasn't sure why, except it had seemed inevitable that Jun would be the one pining again after how much he'd obsessed over Nino way back when. Could Nino really... really...

"Let's stay in tonight," Jun said impulsively.

"Huh?" Nino said, distracted from his melancholy. "But we always eat at the cafeteria."

"That was for the mission. The mission's over now."

"But--"

"I'm making lasagna. Why don't you take a nap while I cook?"

Nino frowned. "I can help; I'm not an invalid."

"I cook better on my own," Jun said imperiously. Then he took Nino's hand and kissed the back of it. "Let me take care of you."

Nino studied him, unrelenting. Beneath the fierce observation, he was starting to look hopeful, too.

Before he could ask anything that Jun would have to answer, Jun said, "And I need to think a bit, on my own." He squeezed Nino's hand and smiled sweetly. "Besides, you look haggard."

Nino snorted, but he started toward the bedroom. "I'll take a nap, then. Rest up, get pretty." He looked back at Jun, eyes hot. "I expect to be well taken care of when I wake up."

Then he was gone. Jun tsked to the empty kitchen. Nino had made getting taken care of sound filthy.

Of course, Jun's nascent plan for their last evening in their apartment included just that sort of thing, if it was true that Nino was into him for real.

First, though, he had a meal to make. Jun had always found cooking soothing, and he had a lot to work through right then.

Like that Nino was sick. And Nino (Jun was more and more sure as he thought about it) was attracted to him. Nino was in danger. Fuck, Nino might even love him.

Had Jun ever really stopped loving Nino? It seemed like they might have sex that very night. Did Jun have to tell Nino that he'd never been with a man?

It all made him feel unaccountably shy.

One thing he knew: Nino liked hamburger. Jun decided the lasagna would have meat sauce, though the only hamburger he had was a frostbitten hunk that'd been in the freezer who knew how long. There certainly weren't any vegetables, either, but at least there was some decent cheese.

While it cooked, he could take a shower. Maybe he'd jerk off even with the cameras watching... it might be their first time, but Jun didn't want it to be over embarrassingly quickly, and it'd been three weeks since he last came.

Three weeks of awkward, faked, painstaking, blindingly hot foreplay, even.

He was definitely going to jerk off in the shower.

** (Forty-five minutes after their first time trying to talk about feelings.)

"Smells good," Nino said sleepily, coming over to the table to drape himself over Jun's shoulders. Jun patted his arm, smiling fondly, before standing up to direct Nino into a chair of his own.

Dinner was quick and simple. They didn't have anything but lasagna, but Nino praised it so much that Jun thought his cheeks might be permanently pink with awkward pleasure.

By tacit agreement, they didn't talk about anything serious during the meal, but as soon as Nino had finished his last bite and declined seconds, he turned to Jun expectantly.

Jun lifted his eyebrows. "You want something else? There's some ice cream in the freezer, though it's probably years old."

"Jun," Nino said seriously. He waited a second, like he thought just saying Jun's name might be enough, and then he whined, "Come on, I thought you were going to take care of things."

Offering a hand to Nino, Jun stood and led him over to the couch. Nino was grumbling audibly, mostly about not going to the bedroom, but with heart-stopping sidebars about Jun not responding, not confessing back, not loving him.

Jun wanted to retort that Nino hadn't confessed in the first place, not really, but he held his peace. He sat down on the couch, still holding Nino's hand, and when Nino tried to slump bitterly down beside him, Jun pulled him into his lap instead.

"Jun-kun," Nino said, flustered and abruptly pleased. "Oh my."

Jun rolled his eyes and tugged Nino in close so that Nino rested right over his crotch, back against Jun's chest. Nino wiggled, making happy noises, then tried to turn to face Jun.

Jun held his hips in place. "I don't want you to look at me right now."

Nino stiffened immediately. "Jun-kun... what? Are we--are we pretending right now?"

"No, no," Jun said at once. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. I just--I guess the feelings I have for you won't go away."

Nino said slowly, hopeful and bewildered, "And your feelings mean I can't look at you?"

"Do you," Jun started carefully, then cleared his throat. "Do you want to sleep with me?"

Without a pause, Nino said, "Ugh, we've been sleeping together for weeks now. I'm praying we're about to get to the fucking."

"Do you... also have--I guess as long as you want me, we can do that--"

Jun was about to talk himself into a circle asking about Nino's feelings, but Nino interrupted, "And I love you. Now can I look at you?"

"No," Jun blurted, clutching at Nino's hips.

"Jun-kun, this is weird. I don't mind because, like I mentioned, I love you, but this is weird, just so you know."

Jun rested his forehead against Nino's back, willing himself not to be ashamed. "I haven't slept with a guy before."

Nino tensed. "Oh. And you want to take it slow? Despite what I said, that's really all right, J. We can just sleep."

"No, I want you, god, I just... I thought you should know."

"All right, now I know. Please, Jun, let me turn around."

Keeping his eyes closed, Jun loosened his grip on Nino's hips. Nino twisted, making Jun wince and shift under him, and put his hands on Jun's chest.

They kissed for a long time, there on the couch. They kissed slowly, deeply, not thinking about the cameras. Finally Nino said, "Take me to bed," and Jun picked him up, one arm under his shoulders and one under his knees, and carried him into their bedroom.

They tried to kiss on the way, but then Jun ran Nino's head into the wall, so they stopped. Nino was cursing and Jun was laughing when they made it onto the bed and realized there were still cameras watching.

"I'm not an exhibitionist," Jun said, brows drawing together in consternation. He pushed up onto one elbow to look down at Nino.

"Just remember, they think they've seen us fuck three times already! It'll be just the same."

" _God_ , I hope not. That was the most awkward shit I have ever done."

Nino laughed, "Yeah, but this time you don't have to hide your boner." He shimmied his hips, looking boyish and ridiculous against the tousled blue sheets. "I mean, unless you want to hide it in me."

Jun groaned. "I can't believe I still want to fuck you."

"You can," Nino said, voice getting lower. "We have that lube, and I brought condoms, real ones even."

"I've never--"

Nino rolled over and kissed him hard. "We can take it slow. I promise, anything you do is okay."

"But you'll tell me if it's not," Jun said, so quietly he could barely hear himself. He was so nervous, so turned on, that being in love on top of that made him feel like his heart was going to explode.

"I promise," Nino said again, and made to kiss Jun, but Jun was too busy trying to take off both of their clothes at the same time.

Laughing, Nino directed those eager hands to Jun's clothes, then made short work of his own. When Jun was finally naked, having gotten stuck in his pants for more seconds than he ever wanted to think about again, he pulled the covers up over them quickly. Nino army-crawled over to grab the lube and a condom and put them on one of the pillows.

Then he rolled over onto his stomach, turned his face to rest on the sheets, and looked at Jun with heavy-lidded eyes. "Now. This would be easier _and_ more fun if we could do it without the covers...?"

"Absolutely not," Jun said immediately, feeling sick at the idea of anyone seeing Nino like this without permission.

Nino looked like he was a little relieved, but he made a show of looking resigned to Jun's prudery. "Then how about you touch me for a while. Get to know all your new territory, if you will." He waggled his eyebrows lewdly but Jun ignored it.

He sat next to Nino's back, blanket pulled up enough to cover his hips and Nino until halfway up his spine. Starting both hands on the soft skin of Nino's shoulder blades, he skimmed his way down until he reached the blanket, then back up. He left one hand there, spread out warm under Nino's neck, and slid back down with the other. He paused at the blanket, then kept going.

"You have nice hands," Nino said drowsily, looking very pleased and comfortable.

"I'm glad you think so," Jun said, and used one to cup the swell of Nino's ass. He lifted it, squeezed, got used to the feel of it, wanted to bury his face against it, then stroked up to scratch a nail against the skin over Nino's tailbone before stroking back down on the other side to repeat the exploration. Spreading his fingers, his pinkie slid dangerously close to Nino's asshole, and Jun's vision blurred for a moment as he was hit with images of opening Nino up, _filling_ Nino up, making Nino scream.

He shifted his hand back up to rest where Nino's back met the soft curve of his flanks, then paused.

"You're a bottom?"

"I switch," Nino said, slitting one eye open to look at Jun. "But for our first time, this is better."

"Our first time," Jun repeated. "You said," he started, then swallowed hard, deeply uncomfortable with saying it out loud. He made himself do it. "You said you love me. Does that mean--"

"If we get out of here tomorrow, if we make it home, I want to take you home with me and fuck so much neither of us can walk for days."

Jun swallowed hard before chuckling. "That's certainly motivational."

Nino smiled, a real smile. "I think so too."

Jun turned his hand so his first two fingers were resting lightly over the cleft of Nino's ass, then pressed slightly. Nino's skin was thin and hot, soft like all the rest of him. Jun slid his fingers down slowly, carefully, trying to remember how every inch felt, until he reached Nino's hole.

It was soft, too, with the contrast of sparse coarse hair that wasn't at all unpleasant. Nino felt clean, and warm, and willing, his body already trying to open up around Jun's fingers and take them in.

Jun rubbed one finger delicately over the puckered skin, then around it, then back to press, very gently, against the opening.

"Ready for this?" Nino asked, slightly breathless. Jun looked up for the movement of his hand under the blanket to see Nino pointing to the bottle on the pillow.

"Not yet," Jun said. He pressed down once more with his finger, then moved his fingers down farther, finding more soft skin, yet another place he wanted to kiss. He kept going until he could cup his hand around Nino's balls by feel. Nino gasped at that, hips jerking slightly, and Jun gave the slightest squeeze before he moved on.

"Spread your legs more," he said, voice deep and wanting, and Nino obliged at once. From the awkward angle, with the covers still pulled up around Nino's waist, Jun could only lay his hand on the underside of Nino's dick, but he did it, trying to imagine what it looked like, trying to remember it from the snatched glances he'd gotten over the past few weeks. He could tell Nino was getting hard.

"Jun," Nino said, hips twisting, and Jun turned to see Nino holding the bottle of lube out to him. "Please."

Jun took it and uncapped it, giving it a surreptitious sniff while Nino's eyes were closed. Then he carefully lifted the covers, eyes hungry over the pale curves of Nino's lower body, and squeezed some out over Nino's plump, pretty ass.

"When we get home," Jun said, watching the trickle of lube with fascination, "we are never doing it under the covers again."

"That's cold," Nino complained, too belatedly to carry any weight. "Why aren't you touching me."

Jun let the blanket fall with regret so he could put one hand back over Nino's backbone and the other smearing through the mess he'd made of Nino lower down. It _was_ a little cold, but it warmed fairly quickly as Jun spread it around.

"Lower," Nino said, drawing his arms into himself as if he were chilly.

"Are you really feeling all right?" Jun asked with concern. His fingers paused on their slippery way back to Nino's waiting asshole.

"I would be if you'd just get on with it," Nino muttered, then sighed. "You're supposed to be the impatient one, aren't you?"

Jun grinned and stared at Nino's face. "But you look so good like this," he said, voice deep and predatory, and Nino actually shivered.

Moving his fingers lower at last, Jun used them to get Nino's hole nice and slick, then held his breath and pressed one at the opening just like he had before. This time the muscles seemed to open up a bit around his finger, clinging to the tip like Nino's body was trying to suck him in. Jun wriggled in farther, his other fingers fluttering against the softness of Nino's body, and after a moment everything seemed to ease, his finger sliding slowly into tight heat.

"Two," Nino said at once. "Please, Jun-kun."

Jun lifted the blanket to stare at his hand, Nino's ass, the place where one of his fingers disappeared inside Nino. "More lube," he said hoarsely. "Don't I need to..."

"Don't need it," Nino panted, trying to shift his hips back against Jun's hand. "Hurry up, hurry up."

Jun was worried about hurting Nino, worried about messing everything up somehow, but he couldn't resist that needy voice. He dropped the blanket, clutched at Nino's shoulder for control, and pulled his finger out so he could try to go back in with two.

It took more time for his second finger to get in. It wasn't as slick as the first, so Jun ended up adding more lube after all, and Nino's hole resisted longer at the initial intrusion. But then he was in to the first knuckle with two fingers and it was like the resistance turned into begging, like it was easier to keep going than it would be to pull back out.

Nino's hips were moving constantly now, tiny jerks against the sheets, then back against Jun's hand, like he couldn't figure out which way he most wanted to go.

When Jun couldn't go any deeper, Nino muttered, "Scissor them, and don't fucking dawdle about it. I swear to god, if I come before you get your dick in me-- _ahh_."

Jun moved his fingers again, experimenting, and found that if he pushed back with his index finger and massaged forward with his middle finger, Nino squirmed and made the most delicious noises that he couldn't quite muffle against the sheets.

Jun kept this up for a minute or two, feeling like he could get obsessed with fingering Nino, until Nino finally snapped out, "Condom, _now._ "

Not withdrawing, Jun said, "But I'm bigger than just two fingers..."

Nino moaned, hips shifting hard against the bed, and said, " _Good_."

Figuring Nino knew better than he did what he could take, Jun carefully pulled his fingers out, breath catching at the way Nino's muscles clung to him.

He wiped his fingers on the sheets, hoping absently that there was still clean bedding in the bedroom closet, then took up the condom. With this part, at least, he had plenty of practice, and it wasn't long before he had himself ready.

He looked down to find Nino staring at him, eyes wide and glazed on the unconscious stroke of Jun's hand over his cock.

Then Nino moved, limbs trembling, onto his knees and elbows. "Go on," he said hoarsely. "How long are you going to make me wait."

It sounded more like pleading than a complaint. Jun moved behind Nino, very carefully pulling the blanket with them, and ended up bent over Nino's back in order to keep them both covered properly.

"Why didn't we just turn off the goddamn _lights_ ," Nino said, voice raspy and low, and Jun dragged the blanket up and tucked the far edges under Nino's elbows.

"Here," he said, surprised at how calm he sounded. He didn't feel calm at all. "Make sure you hold it down."

Nino nodded distractedly, already pushing back against Jun's hips. Jun lined up by feel, trying not to blow his load just at the accidental smear of his cockhead over Nino's asshole, then pushed.

Even with Nino stretched and slick it took Jun a couple tries to penetrate because he wasn't sure how hard he could push, but then Nino's body opened around him, taking him in, and Jun slid home with a surprised, hoarse grunt.

"Fuck," Nino said, digging his elbows into the blanket, eyes closed in concentration. "Wait a second."

Jun grabbed Nino's hips and stayed still with all his powers of self-control. It was a close call, with Nino so warm and tight and clenching around him, but he waited, waited desperately for Nino to be ready.

"Okay," Nino breathed at last. "Should've slicked your dick up first, sorry, I forgot."

"Do you want me to--"

Nino jerked his hips forward and then back under Jun's hands, fucking himself on Jun's cock. Without Jun helping, it only moved his dick in and out an inch or two, but it stole all the breath from Jun's lungs and had Nino moaning loud.

"No more delays," he gritted out, tightening around Jun with a shudder.

"Then... all right."

Jun pulled out and slammed home. The sweetness of it made him see stars, but he was saved from coming too soon, had been saved from coming too soon several times over, by his forethought in the shower earlier. He did it again, pulling Nino's hips back this time as he thrust in, and Nino cried out, voice thready and high-pitched.

It felt different, fucking Nino, with the way his hole clenched tight around Jun's dick but his body opened up a bit more inside, so hot and sweet that Jun wanted to fill him up forever. It also felt the same: the rhythm of Jun's hips drew noises from Nino that Jun had heard variations of many times before. But Jun loved him, had loved him a long time, maybe, and it was different. The noises, the heat of Nino's body, the mindless pleasure on Nino's face, had Jun fiercely possessive in a way he'd never felt before.

"You're mine," he muttered, slamming his hips against Nino's ass. It felt terrifyingly good to say, so he said it again, louder: "You're _mine._ "

"Yeah," Nino gasped. "Yeah, okay. Do you need--oh shit, right there, _shit_."

"Do I need what," Jun prompted unsteadily, fucking Nino harder to make him pant and moan.

"God, _Jun_ , yes--oh fuck, do you--need a map to find my dick, oh g--" Nino dropped his face into the sheets and made a little mewling noise that Jun wanted to hear again immediately.

When Nino's words sank in through Jun's haze, his hips faltered an instant, but then he chuckled, fucking in deeper and rougher in answer.

"Are you sure you need me to? You, you seem pretty into this already..."

"I can't," Nino got out, close to a wail. "Not without, oh, please, Jun, _please_."

Something about Nino's voice, desperate, asking Jun to touch him, and the way Nino could have done it himself if he only let the blanket go, but Jun had asked him not to--and then he said _please_ \--Jun lost it, lost everything, as he came into a blur of heat and light.

"Nino," he groaned after, hips still moving sluggishly. He reached his hand around and found Nino's dick and stroked clumsily once, twice. On the next stroke he leaned down and kissed the spot where he'd first left a bruise on Nino's neck weeks before, and Nino's breath sobbed out as he came all over the sheets.

Jun came back to lucidity a bit later sprawled over Nino, their bodies still safely tucked in the blanket. He realized he was still _inside_ Nino with a twitch of hopeless interest that had him mouthing at the sweaty skin of Nino's shoulders.

"I can't move," Nino said into the mattress. "Hold the condom, pull out really fucking slowly--"

"This part's pretty much the same," Jun said, trying not to laugh at the exhausted satisfaction in Nino's voice. "I'll be right back."

"You'd better," Nino said grumpily, but when Jun had made it out of bed and thrown the condom away in the little trashcan, he looked back to see Nino was smiling.

Jun wanted to pet him all over, tell him terribly heartfelt things in his ear, wait half an hour or an hour or however long it took until he could fuck him all over again.

"We're leaving tomorrow," he said, his voice sounding like it came from someone else.

"No more pills," Nino agreed sleepily. "No more inane tests for hours. Did I tell you about the one in the ballpit? Jun-kun, I swear..."

Jun listened closely, but it seemed that Nino's trailing off voice had trailed right into sleep. Hopefully he was just tired and not getting sicker.

It was a sacrifice, but Jun wasn't about to sleep on the couch, so Jun crawled back into bed, right back into the dirty bedding, and curled around Nino's naked, warm body. He thought that the combination of Nino in his arms and his sick fear about their escape the next day would keep him awake. Instead he nuzzled Nino's hair once, glad Nino wasn't awake to tease him, and fell right into deep sleep.

** (Five weeks after their only real time.)

Every morning for the past several weeks, Jun had woken to the sound of gunshots and the remembered feel of Nino's hacking coughs. This time, just like every time, he rolled over into what would have been Nino's side of the bed and tried to remember how it had felt to hold Nino in his arms during their one night together when they hadn't pretended at all.

He always gave himself five minutes of that before he made himself get up and stumble his way into the shower. There he washed himself mechanically, avoiding the angry scar on his abdomen with the ease of practice, and determinedly didn't think about anything but the work he would do that day.

The agency had only started to allow him back into the swing of things a couple weeks before, and he was still on forced half-days in the cramped basement office he hated. The first week back he'd been on home arrest for recuperation from getting shot in the belly, and the week after that had been a grueling mix of doctors and the higher-ups there to debrief him as thoroughly as possible.

He hadn't seen a hint of Dr. Lerning--real name Dr. Nyong'o--since he'd been carried out of that hellish plane on a stretcher, barely conscious. He assumed she was with Nino, but what if--

He didn't let himself think about that.

It was enough to drive him into doing something truly reckless again, this continual not knowing. He knew that Dr. Nyong'o was on their side after all, that she'd been the one to save their lives when the enemy agency had been about to pipe poison gas into their apartment as they slept. He knew she'd nearly died for it on her way to warn them, and those gunshots he'd heard that morning when he woke wrapped around Nino had been at her, warning them even before she arrived two minutes later in another spray of gunfire.

They'd gotten out together by the skin of their teeth, all three of them, and Jun knew that because he didn't think Dr. Nyong'o could have carried him into the waiting plane alone. That logic and a fleeting memory of seeing Nino coughing beside him on a stretcher of his own were all that kept him going.

Nino was with Dr. Nyong'o. If anyone knew what to do to fix him, it'd be her.

Once more he considered taking up a drinking problem, but it felt like that would be admitting that he thought Nino might be dead for real this time.

Instead he ate his tasteless breakfast and listened to the news from his television, noting important events from long ingrained habit.

He was about to leave his apartment when his phone chimed with a message telling him he didn't need to come in that day.

His shoulders slumped, Jun walked over to the couch and sat down. He'd spent all his rage, all the energy he didn't really have after getting a bullet to the gut, in that third week after their escape from the base. In retrospect, he was surprised he hadn't been thrown in a cell, his efforts had been so reckless and violent.

It hadn't gotten him any answers. It hadn't done him any good.

Still, Jun couldn't bear it, not knowing if Nino was even alive, and he found himself storming to the door to go to the agency and try again to _make_ them cough up whatever facts they had. He'd come up with a plan on the way, a plan to force the agency to show some humanity for once.

But when he slammed the door open, he saw Nino.

Jun made an awful noise. He didn't know whether he should believe his eyes or go lie down until he stopped hallucinating.

"Hey," Nino said. He was flushed and very still, with only his eyes moving sharply over Jun as if to check that he was in one piece.

Jun got out, "Where have you _been_ ," before he fell forward and into Nino's waiting arms.

"You know, resting up," Nino said breathlessly. "Getting pretty."

Jun dragged him into the apartment, trying not to cry or laugh hysterically. Somehow he got them both onto the couch where he'd been slumped five minutes before. When Jun tried to sit them side by side from some tiny part of him that automatically went for some sort of propriety, Nino made an impatient noise and pushed right up against Jun instead, hooking his legs over Jun's lap and curling under Jun's arm. Jun tightened his arm to tug Nino in even closer.

"They wouldn't tell me where you were--" he started, then pressed his lips together hard against more awful noises.

"They wouldn't let me go until they knew for sure I wasn't contagious. Um, did you know my body was used to test biological weapons? They switched the pills on Dr. Nyong'o... When she found out what those guys had really had her working on, she wanted to get back on that horrible plane with a machine gun to clear the whole base out."

"Yeah, like the higher-ups would let her go anywhere now that they've got her safely in Japan."

"Plus there was me. I think that was what convinced her not to make a break for it, trying to keep me from coughing my terrorist germs all over Tokyo."

"And she did it. She saved you."

"I'm all fixed up," Nino said cheerily. "So, how've you been, J?"

Jun growled out, "I've been--" before he realized he didn't really want to let on just how apocalyptic he'd been for the past five weeks. "--getting by. They dug the bullet out when Dr. Nyong'o turned me over to the agency doctors after landing."

Nino widened his eyes pointedly. "Well, let's see it." He started scrabbling at Jun's shirt. Jun let him, not about to get into this sort of fight with Nino. Not only would Nino win, he'd do so to the great detriment of Jun's already shaky dignity.

"Oooohh, very dashing," Nino said, eyes fixed on Jun's scar. "Though quite off-putting, probably, if paired with any other scars, so don't go getting shot again."

Jun tugged his shirt down self-consciously. "Don't go contracting weird terrorist diseases again and it's a deal."

"Deal," Nino said promptly. "Now then, how physically capable are you at the moment? Because I've had weeks of convalescence and then some truly shitty physical therapy, so I've had lots of time to plan for seeing you again."

Jun smiled, though his heart hurt from the sudden relief and love that was having Nino back in his life. He tucked his head down against the top of Nino's and said, "I should be able to fulfill whatever you thought up, if it's physically possible in the first place. Let's hear it."

"First, we go to the grocery store. That'll give you some time to get your breathing working right again--you do know I can hear that?--and also we need to stock up for at least a week. And then we come home, put the groceries away, I suck you off in the kitchen, we take a shower and I come in some fashion or other, preferably on you, and then we eat dinner. After that, it's simple: we stay in bed until we're too gross or too hungry to stand each other."

"I do have work you know," Jun said, still trying to right the hitch in his breathing. Maybe he'd started a drinking problem without remembering and now he was in a stupor--no, Nino was there. Nino was _there_.

"Nah," Nino said casually. "Fuck them. They didn't even tell you I was alive, did they? I can tell."

"This isn't the sort of job where you can just quit--"

"We're taking a leave of absence. Mental turmoil, or whatever, or residual physical--no, don't start hyperventilating again: there's nothing wrong with me."

Unable to bear it any longer, Jun turned to the side and kissed Nino desperately.

After a while, Nino pulled back and said contentedly, "Well, what do you think?"

"Move in with me," Jun urged, leaning his forehead against Nino's.

"I meant about my plan," Nino laughed, but he darted kisses against Jun's mouth, his cheeks, and each of his moles.

"Your plan is excellent. I'm only adding to it." Jun's breathing was finally evening out. He was starting to believe Nino wouldn't be stolen away again.

"Well, I'm glad you said that, actually... you didn't happen to bring in my suitcase, did you? Or did you leave it in the hall for anyone to take. You know we're spies, right? There could be all sorts of top secret shit in there, honestly."

"Filthy sex toys, no doubt."

"No, we'll buy those together. That's a later part of the plan," Nino said smugly. "Ready to get started?"

Jun pulled Nino up until he was straddling Jun's lap. "Let's get started here instead."

"Impatient," Nino chided, clearly hiding a smile. "Well, if you insist."

"If I insist?" Jun raised an eyebrow. "Do you still want me to go get your suitcase? I could do that first--"

"Don't you dare," Nino said, and Jun grinned right into Nino's ferocious kiss.


End file.
